Just read an article from David Brooks in the NYT about empathy. Empathy is an attractive idea... it's the capacity to be affected by and share the emotional state of the other. It's our ability to identify others as 'like us'. Empathy makes us 'feel' closer to others.
But Brooks, who these days specializes in broadening our understanding of the human social being, says that the problem with empathy is "when we try to turn feeling into action." He cites a number of studies in which empathy is shown to be a weak motivator, especially when it comes to personal sacrifice. "Empathy orients you toward moral action, but it doesn’t seem to help much when that action comes at a personal cost... [Some] scholars have called empathy a “fragile flower,” easily crushed by self-concern."
He comes to a conclusion by talking about 'duty'.
"Nobody is against empathy. Nonetheless, it’s insufficient. These days empathy has become a shortcut. It has become a way to experience delicious moral emotions without confronting the weaknesses in our nature that prevent us from actually acting upon them... People who actually perform pro-social action don’t only feel for those who are suffering, they feel compelled to act by a sense of duty. Their lives are structured by sacred codes...
"The code isn’t just a set of rules. It’s a source of identity. It’s pursued with joy. It arouses the strongest emotions and attachments. Empathy is a sideshow. If you want to make the world a better place, help people debate, understand, reform, revere and enact their codes."
A sacred code. A source of identity.
I call this the 16 hour bus ride effect. I once took a group of 18 university students on a trip to Uganda. We then joined 20 Ugandan students to do a mission trip in Northern Uganda. The students were primed for empathy. They really wanted to understand and befriend the Ugandan students -- and visa versa.
Then we took a 16 hour bus ride to get there.
But at some point in a 16 hour bus ride, the power of empathy to suppress our anger and selfishness completely collapses. The thought process went like this: "I don't want to understand you. I don't even like you. I want you to stop singing the same song 20 times."
But here's the thing - as we stopped 'liking' each other, we began to 'love' each other. We began to draw on something deeper than our empathy. We began to ask ourselves - what is right to do?
Empathy doesn't last. Feeling connected doesn't help me sacrifice for others in the long run. We need more than that. We need a command and a sense of duty. We need an identity that is grounded in love, not 'like'.
As a church planter, I had a vision of a church made up of people who don't belong together. I really believe that we come to understand people who are different from us through the lens of Jesus' grace. Initially, this is an exciting idea. We love different flavors! We love the bright new shiny thing! We love being thought of as... I don't know... 'cosmopolitan'.
But these feelings of connection or empathic sentiments will not move us far enough. This is why the command of Jesus is so important. I must love my neighbor because my Lord commands it. I love my enemy, not because I get him, but because it is right and good to do so. I love my brother in Christ not because I feel brotherly. But because he actually, in Christ, my brother.
We need more than empathy. We need commitment to one another. We need a family identity that is actual.
This is SO different from how the church works today. Most churches today are bonded by 'like'. I am invested only in so far as I am drawn.
Like = Excitement/ Energy/ Attraction.
But the church should be a place of commitment and duty and loyalty as well.
Love = Commitment/Sacrifice/ Work.
Now, don't get me wrong. We need and should pursue both 'like' and 'love'. But perhaps I can put it this way. Some seasons are seasons of 'like' - when we are drawn in and everything feels smooth. Some seasons are seasons of 'love' - when we roll up our sleeves and commit because the community we have is real and we have a responsibility to it.
In seasons of 'like', the worship music, the fellowship, the food all tastes great. In seasons of 'love', our only nourishment
In seasons of 'like' we are conscious of what we are receiving. In seasons of 'love'
The seasons of 'like' are a wonderful harvest. The seasons of 'love' are when the roots go deep. Both seasons are needed.
In the first century church, it took a long time to become a member. In some cases, it was up to 7 years of catechism. In a world of persecution, they wanted to see if people were only up for the 'like' season, or if they were up for the 'love' season as well.
Which season are you in right now?
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